Selling a daughter

As a human being, our first duty to our children is to secure a better future for them , but that doesn't mean to by pass all the laws set out by Allah and his Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) if we call ourself Muslim. Calling  Muslim to ourself brings us under rules and regulations of Islam, just like a constitution and law of some country if you are resident there. Islam is a global religion so the rules and regulation of Allah has to be followed.

A marriage is a union of two families and in the broader sense it leads to development of healthy relationship among the whole society. A husband and wife relationship, if disturbed and traded on the first union will never be mended and will have psychological implications for both the parties. A new tradition in our society is emerging, "Selling daughters". Parents of a daughter asking for unduly "Dowry" from the man (boy) or man's family. Looking into the definition of word "Dowry" in Oxford dictionary "it is the property or money brought by bride to her husband on their marriage". It seems that the definition of Dowry has been reversed. Word "Mahr" has been translated  as "Dowry" in English by some writers. "Mahr" on the other hand is something given by husband to his wife at the time of their marriage and it shows a serious desire and sense of responsibility of marrying her. The importance of Mahr can be seen in the following verses of Quran.

"And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allah has made it lawful)."(Surah An-Nisa, 4:4)

"Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Thus has Allah ordained for you. All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr  from your property, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed; but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you. Surely, Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise" (Surah An-Nisa, 4:24)

In Islam, the upper limit of the "Mahr" is in accordance to men's social status.This can be seen from the following Hadith of Muhammad(PBUH) in Sahi Bukhari narrated by Sahl bin Sad As-Sa'idi .

"A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I have come to give you myself in marriage (without Mahr)." Allah's Apostle looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her and then lowered his head. When the lady saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his companions got up and said, "O Allah's Apostle! If you are not in need of her, then marry her to me." The Prophet said, "Have you got anything to offer?" The man said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle!" The Prophet said (to him), "Go to your family and see if you have something." The man went and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, I have not found anything." Allah's Apostle said, "(Go again) and look for something, even if it is an iron ring." He went again and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my Izar (waist sheet)." He had no rida. He added, "I give half of it to her." Allah's Apostle said, "What will she do with your Izar? If you wear it, she will be naked, and if she wears it, you will be naked." So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have." (Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 24)

Based on the few verses from Quran and Hadith out of many shows the importance of Mahr in marraige as a social contract. Not obeying the words of Allah and his prophet Muhammad (PBUH) mean Kufr ( کفر ,denying). Remember the word Kafir ( کافر ) and Kafirin ( کافرین )  or kafiron ( کافرون ) in the holy Quran, it does not indicate to some special group of peoples in age of prophet Muhammad (PBUH), but it means anyone who denies Allah's commandments and prophet Muhammad (PBUH) words. So if anyone denies the above verses and go against them or breaches is a Kafir. The following verses of Quran will explain in itself the consequences  of breaching Allah commandment in the world, however, there is severe punishment waiting for those deny it in hereafter. In Surah Al-Araf Allah says:

" And ask them (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) about the town that was by the sea; when they transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath (i.e. Saturday): when their fish came to them openly on the Sabbath day, and did not come to them on the day they had no Sabbath. Thus We made a trial of them, for they used to rebel against Allah's Command (disobey Allah)

And when a community among them said: "Why do you preach to a people whom Allah is about to destroy or to punish with a severe torment?" (The preachers) said: "In order to be free from guilt before your Lord (Allah), and perhaps they may fear Allah.

So when they forgot the remindings that had been given to them, We rescued those who forbade evil, but We seized those who did wrong with a severe torment because they used to rebel against Allah's Command (disobey Allah).

So when they exceeded the limits of what they were prohibited, We said to them: "Be you monkeys, despised and rejected." (Surah Al-Araf, 7:163-166)

As I said in the beginning that marriage is to strengthen healthy relationship between families, husband and wife, so, what can you expect from marriage when traded as a huge dowry. If  parents of a girl ask for money, allocating land on her name and other equity in marriage during Nikkah or before and after Nikkah in order to shift the boy to some country, is basically "HARAM". It is "HARAM" in a sense that you are abusing, mending  a rule set by the Allah (as you read in the above quran verses) by benefiting from the present condition of the boy involved. The Mahr is given by men accordance to his status (as you can see in the hadith above) not set by girl parents. If some parents set Mahr by asking a land, a house in their daughter's name, set a bank account or mortgaging a house, they are putting a price tag on their daughter. It is like a bidding, where the higher bidder wins.

We can see the selling of daughter by parents not only in the present day but also in the past. In the Bible (old testaments) atleast some rules were set for selling, so that the girl is not sold treacherously :

"And in case a man should sell his daughter as a slave girl, she will not go out in the way that the slave men go out.  If she is displeasing in the eyes of her master so that he doesn't designate her as a concubine but causes her to be redeemed, he will not be entitled to sell her to a foreign people in his treacherously dealing with her." (Exodus, 21:7-8)

In the present days,  there are numerous example about Afghanistan, where girls are sold and traded in marriages, followings are few of them:

 "Azizgul is not unique. Hers is one of a number of interviews and case studies collected by the charity Christian Aid - all of them young girls sold by their families to cope with the second ruinous drought to hit Afghanistan within three year" (The guardian newspaper, Peter Beaumont, Sunday 7 January 2007 )

 "Farida (not her real name) was paid 40,000 Afghani (£400) last summer for marrying her 13-year-old daughter to her father's 20-year-old cousin.  I didn't want to marry, it was my parents' decision," she said. "I dreamed I would be able to finish my education. I had no choice."
Asked why she is making her daughter unhappy, Farida replies simply: "It is her life, it is her fate"  (BBC, 15 April, 2008)

Hajji Rais Khan, a white bearded resident of Nangarhar’s Dur Baba district, needed only to remove his false teeth and hand over 3,000 dollars to conclude the swift purchase of a young woman for his bride. Two other local families had quarreled over the terms of an already implemented swap of daughters for brides. One of the fathers then learned that instead of the girls being returned home by mutual arrangement, his counterpart had simply sold on his 20-year-old daughter to an old man for 4,000 dollars. He vowed in retaliation to sell the girl in his care to “a man with no teeth”.
“I went there and removed my plastic teeth and told the man that my wife passed away two months ago and that this girl was my destiny,” said Khan. “He gave her to me for 150,000 afghanis (3,000 dollars).” (Afghanistan today byAdul Rahim, Jalabad, “21 March, 2012)

So where do we stand, Are we Jewish?,  Afghans? or some kind of human flesh businessmen? that in our society the game of selling our daughter has just started as a trade to import someone to countries outside Pakistan. 

 I ask, at this point the young people, do they wanted to be auctioned?, marriage is a social contract you have to look for yourself  and the forthcoming relationship and the children life, so don't deal it as a business to secure your future. Future is always uncertain, so do not make it worse for yourself and your coming children. In a marriage if your parents stress you for an exchange of big wealth, land or other kind of equity, don't listen to your parents instead follow what Allah and Muhammad (PBUH) said. Secure your place in hereafter, do not fall into the falsey of securing the future instead secure your hereafter (akhirat). May Allah help us all.. Ameen